REVIEW: Taylor Swift's THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT + Initial Reactions

The Tortured Poets Department leaked in full, along with The Black Dog bonus track, on Wednesday afternoon. My fellow Swiftie co-workers and I freaked out with excitement, and I counted down the hours to listen to it- in fact, I actually began listening to it on my walk home. So, without further ado, here are my thoughts on Taylor Swift's The Tortured Poets Department, logged as and after I listened to each track.

Fortnight (feat. Post Malone) - I was hoping for a little more Post Malone, plus I think the viral TikTok AI sound set my expectations up for something more upbeat in my honest opinion. There were some very interesting lyrics though (such as her admitting to being a functioning alcoholic in the opening surprisingly), and it's kinda catchy somehow? I think this one could grow on me. [Rating: 3]

The Tortured Poets Department - I loved this so much I had to listen to it two more times before I could move on. The chorus made me very emotional, it's very relatable for me. And honestly, it sounds like Suburban Legends and that’s enough for me lol. [Rating: 5]

My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys - I think I like this one! I’m gonna have to listen to this one a bit more to fully soak it in, I think. I wasn’t expecting this one to be so upbeat though! [Rating: 4]

Down Bad - Not sure about this one. It reminds me of a mixture of Mastermind and Glitch but sad. It's also making me think of Sabrina Carpenter's Singular era, and the production reminds me of something off Cher Lloyd's Sorry I'm Late- maybe Dirty Love or M.F.P.O.T.Y.? She says “fuck it” a lot though lmao. I’ll need more time with this one. [Rating: 3.5]

So Long, London - Oh that opening is gorgeous. However, I didn’t really love the rest of the song. It didn’t seem any sadder than the previous tracks. I guess you could say it’s Delicate and You’re On Your Own, Kid sad, not Dear John and All Too Well sad. Hoping it will grow on me. [Rating: 3]

But Daddy I Love Him - It lowkey has yeehaw vibes! I’m noticing a lot of lyrical similarities to Love Story and All Too Well (10 Minute Version), almost like a sequel combining them, but with her current writing abilities. This reminds me a lot of her earlier albums like Fearless, Speak Now, and Red, and I feel like it could fit in with the vault tracks from those albums. The “I’m having his baby- wait no I’m not” lyric and the not-so-subtle shade calling THOSE Swifties out on their intrusiveness is BRUTAL though. [Rating: 3.5]

Fresh Out The Slammer - Huh. So this is like a mix of country and soft rock and she’s serving vocals in the chorus. It’s reminding me of Sabrina Carpenter’s lonesome and the acoustic version of Slut! for some reason. Oh, wait the beat switch up at the end omg!! It’s giving Taco Truck x VB. I think this one will definitely be a grower. [Rating: 3.5]

Florida!!! (feat. Florence + The Machine) - Yesss, Florence has a verse!! And oh my god this song is so beautiful. It could fit on one of Florence's albums. For reference, it sounds most like Ceremonials to me. Absolutely gorgeous. [Rating: 4.5]

Guilty As Sin? - I love this one, it’s very pretty and reminds me of a summer sunset. Imagine an upbeat, sadder version of the lakes but if it had been on Red instead of folklore. I could also say, thematically, it's a cleaner version of Dress or False God. [Rating: 4]

Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me? - My jaw is dropped. This is the most gorgeous one yet, just above Florida!!!. Oh wow. It’s so dark and haunting, and her vocals are so beautiful on this track. She’s called out the overly intrusive Swifties again. This is deep, I personally think this could’ve been Track 5 over So Long, London. [Rating: 5]

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - Another yeehaw one that I think will be a grower. Not as upbeat as we were all thinking, I believe, but it’s a pretty song. I think this might be my least favorite so far. [Rating: 3]

loml - Hey, champagne problems girlies, this one’s for you. Definitely sadder than So Long, London, as well as the most downtempo song on the album. I’m not a soft piano ballad person majority of the time so this one is gonna have to grow on me. [Rating: 3]

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart - Instant Mastermind and Suburban Legends vibes. It’s unexpectedly upbeat and I love it! This may be the closest to a glitter gel pen song we get on this album. It’s pop Long Live 2.0. I'm in love with this song so much, it might be my favorite on the album. “Cause I’m miserable! And no one even knows!” LIKE SAME GIRL. The way this could’ve been on the Barbie soundtrack. I’m scared to move on now lmao. Help. [Rating: 5]

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived - It's not very different from other tracks I've already heard, but I love the gradual build-up and the crescendo in the bridge. It's not bad but this one will have to grow on me as well. [Rating: 3.5]

The Alchemy - A love song??? On The Tortured Poets Department?? So unexpected. The sports jersey, sports team, and sports trophy mentions make me want to think this is about Travis but I’m not that delusional… or am I? 👀 [Rating: 4.5]

Clara Bow - Feels like a more intimate, more accepting version of The Lucky One. Very vulnerable and very beautiful. Name dropping herself as the new Clara Bow is so emotional, I’ve got tears in my eyes. A lovely album closer. [Rating: 4]

My Initial Rankings:
1. The Tortured Poets Department
2. Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me?
3. I Can Do It With A Broken Heart
4. Florida!!! (feat. Florence + The Machine)
5. The Alchemy
6. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys
7. Guilty As Sin?
8. Clara Bow
9. Down Bad
10. Fortnight (feat. Post Malone)
11. Fresh Out The Slammer
12. So Long, London
13. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived
14. But Daddy I Love Him
15. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)
16. loml

Overall Thoughts - Was The Tortured Poets Department everything I thought it would be? No, but Midnights and almost every other Taylor Swift album wasn’t either. This album feels like a blend of all the best parts of Red, folklore/evermore, Midnights, and the 1989 (Taylor’s Version) vault, as well as something new entirely. It’s the closest to pure indie pop and soft rock than any other album of hers has gotten, with hints of country intertwined. It’s saddening and gorgeous, and I love it. Album of the year.

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